VAIN - The Free Novella by Deborah Bladon

Author:Deborah Bladon
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Deborah Bladon
Published: 2014-11-10T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 9

We're in bed now. After Noah had picked up the envelope and tucked it back into a filing cabinet in our office, he'd taken me into the bathroom to have a shower. He'd lovingly washed my body and my hair while I clung to his waist. There was so much unspoken between us. I want to tell him about my inability to have a baby. I want to know why he chose to keep Paisley a secret from me and I want to discuss how we're supposed to celebrate our impending marriage with all of our friends, when we can't even confide in one another.

"Most of the children in the preschool and in the after school program are in foster care. Max and Chloe are too. Their mother was an addict. She abandoned them and then they were pushed into the system after their grandmother died. Helping at the preschool helps me feel like I'm doing good for those kids and for Paisley. Kids are so important."

I rub my hands against my temples. I've had so many opportunities to tell Noah about what I'm struggling with. I've been given moments in which I should have confessed to him that he'll never see me pregnant or be able to rest his hand against my swollen belly to feel the kicks of our unborn child. Instead, I've remained silent and have let him pour his heart out to me.

"Are you okay?" His lips flutter over mine. "I've upset you, haven't I?"

He has. I have. I feel as though I've failed Noah in some way and not just in the fact that I can't give him a child. I've let him down. There's absolutely no reason why he shouldn’t have told me about Paisley. "Why didn't you tell me about her Noah? Why didn't you tell me you were sending money there?"

His eyes flash over mine briefly before they settle on the wall behind us. "I didn't start sending money until we were engaged, Alexa."

I'm not sure if the words are meant to offer comfort to me, but they don't. They actually sting more than I could have imagined they would. He'd already pledged his future and his life to me when he began paying for the care of another child. How is that supposed to help me understand any of this? "What did you say, Noah?" I ask because I need more time to process what he just said.

"Alexa." My name leaves his lips beneath a heavy sigh. "This is so complicated."

I rake my hands through my still damp hair. "How is it complicated, Noah? You had no reason to hide this from me."

"You're wrong." His voice is firm and determined. "I had every reason to keep this from you."

My anger only swells with the proclamation. I feel attacked. I sense I'm on the precipice of him throwing jealousy or pettiness back in my face. I was angry when he gave Camilla a place to retreat to in his home in Boston.

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